How Do We Experience Anxiety?
Sometimes, it’s challenging to control feelings of jealousy. It’s essential to recognize that our focus may be skewed towards perceived threats rather than facts. We can become trapped in automatic negative thoughts and biases. Here are seven common distorted thinking patterns that can contribute to overthinking:
1. Mind Reading
Mind reading involves assuming you know what others are thinking without sufficient evidence. For example, thinking “She’s trying to steal my boyfriend” reflects the belief that you can interpret others' thoughts or intentions. Since people’s thoughts are highly personal, we can’t truly know what others are thinking.
2. Fortune Telling
Fortune telling is the tendency to predict future events negatively. This involves anticipating that things will get worse and that danger lurks ahead, even without sufficient information. This type of thinking exacerbates worries and makes it difficult to enjoy the present moment.
3. Catastrophizing
Catastrophizing involves viewing situations as disastrous or hopeless. For example, believing “He finds other women attractive, so our relationship is over” can cause undue distress. Stepping back to appreciate the positive aspects of your relationship can help counteract this tendency.
4. Filtering (Negative Filtering)
Filtering involves focusing exclusively on the negative aspects of a situation while ignoring the positives. For example, concentrating on the fact that “We haven’t been intimate for weeks” rather than acknowledging other positive aspects of the relationship.
5. Should Statements
Should statements involve rigid expectations about how things should be. For example, thinking “My girlfriend shouldn’t find anyone else interesting” can create frustration. Recognize that relationships are not perfect and allow room for understanding that both partners may have varying feelings and needs.
6. Personalization
Personalization involves believing that the events in a relationship reflect your own shortcomings. For example, thinking “He’s playing video games because he’s lost interest in me” may overlook other possible reasons for his behavior, like fatigue or distraction from other issues.
7. Emotional Reasoning
Emotional reasoning is using your feelings as evidence of reality. For instance, feeling anxious and interpreting it as proof that your partner is being unfaithful. This type of reasoning conflates emotional responses with objective truth.
Why Do We Worry?
We tend to worry because we believe it might be helpful. For instance, worry can feel like a way to prepare for potential threats or betrayal. However, excessive worry can lead to increased anxiety and depression, making it hard to enjoy positive experiences. Our focus on imagined negative events can detract from living in the present.
Understanding the Impact of Overthinking
Overthinking often leads to a cycle where negative thoughts feed into each other, preventing us from enjoying the present. It’s like being caught in a repetitive loop of questions and concerns, which can intensify negative emotions and distract from positive aspects of life.
Strategies for Managing Overthinking
Acceptance
Instead of being overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts, accept them as part of the emotional experience. You don’t need to chase after every anxious thought or interpretation. Imagine your relationship as large and fulfilling enough to manage these feelings. Treat jealousy as background noise rather than a focal point of your attention.
Rationalization
Recognize that jealousy is a common human emotion. If the relationship were meaningless, you wouldn’t feel jealous. Understand that this emotion reflects the significance of your partner to you. Acknowledge and accept that many people experience jealousy, transcending cultural and historical contexts.
Desensitization
Desensitization involves reducing the intensity of your reaction to recurring stimuli. By repeatedly exposing yourself to the source of your fear in a controlled way, you can lessen your response over time. This approach helps shift your focus from fear-driven thoughts to more constructive actions.
By identifying and managing these distorted thinking patterns, you can rebuild trust and overcome possessiveness, leading to healthier and more balanced relationships.
